Dear Journal,
It's 5am...I can't sleep...I'm kind of a wreck...I've been reading...I shouldn't write but I don't know who to talk to about this...So here I am.
There I was, Leanne and Robin had just turned the corner. I was left alone, without any help, hurt, tired, beat, and feeling betrayed.
And I was holding both of our journals.
Robin freaked of course, Leanne watched, a slight sense of bemusement playing upon her features, almost like she had planned this scene all along.
Robin started to argue with me, but I stopped her saying simply, "Your mother isn't dead." And I handed her the card with the number her Mother had given me.
She responded by saying that she didn't want me here, and wanted her journal back I gave it to her without issue and started getting mad...
But I thought to myself, "I don't really need this to understand her anyway..."
I told her about how I finally understood after all this time why she was so angry, that it was her way of stopping from crying from all the bad things that have happened to her, that she was actually running away from her problems instead of facing them.
She yelled at me, "Don't try to act like you understand me just because you read minds!"
And I replied rage turning to true heartfelt sorrow, "I don't have to read your mind to understand you Robin.Out of anyone on earth, I know you better than anyone...And I know you're scared and need someone who knows you, in order to help you get better..."
And then, you guessed it...
She punched me. HARD.
Weak, broken, and betrayed once more by the woman I once and will always love, I felt my world click into surreal focus.
My body was bloody, but adrenaline pulsed through my veins unnaturally allowing me to stand on my own two feet again.
She stood before me powerful and ready for a real fight, but hesitated seeing someone in her doorway...It turned out it was her brother... Jack.
That was his name. Jack, neatly filled away in my brain I found his name. Remembering it for later should I need to use him to hurt her...But they could have the moment for a little longer...Today at least I resolved.
Then I flew.
I flew to the bluffs knowing exactly where Leanne was heading next, reading her mind became easier just as she left, it was almost second nature to me then. I found her, Chantel, Israel, and Nate talking to her at the fairy circle...I listened in for my moment...
Hearing everything.
She would become mortal because of a betrayal of Chantel's doing...I read Chantel like a book, she didn't trust Leanne as a creature, but wanted to change her into something powerless.
A great ploy to be sure...Chantel was a hypocryte, I resolved in my anger.
For someone who professed to live for the Truth, she sure liked to lie to others.
So, I waited for Leanne to become mortal and landing in front of her, blew her off of the bluffs with the most powerful psychic blast I could muster on the immortal manipulator.
She lay unconscious, a simple mortal girl, completely at my whim...I could kill her now and be done with her meddling forever...
Then Israel stood in front of me and asked me to stop...That this wouldn't make me feel better and I was falling into old patterns...Killing her, I realized would prove Robin's point...
I was a monster.
The guilt of my earlier thoughts, feelings of revenge, and pain that I was feeling started drifting away...For those moments of rage, I had become a monster...
I couldn't do that.
So, I stopped, got onto Israel's bike and went home.
I didn't speak the whole way there...I just got off the bike, thanked him for the lift, and went to read my journal in peace.
Israel's words were absolutely right...Some things are truly better left forgotten.
And what I read made me realize how right Robin was all along.
I was a monster.
Killing Robin's mother was just the end of a long line of horrible acts.
I tried to steal Ardath's soul from his body at Homecoming.
I set a group of Imp's on Israel so he didn't stop me.
I shot and killed Megan, Israel's girlfriend because Samael told me to.
I had helped Low-Key, even though he almost killed a girl for turning him down at a dance.
I had dealt with hard core drug dealers, killing two of them and burning down their meth lab/home.
I burned a mark onto Robin's neck so Samael could keep tabs on her...
I made a deal that burned my home to the ground killing my step mother, and half siblings in the process.
I had done all of these things and according to my allusions into earlier in my dark twisted life...
That I had done worse...Including having a bag of "emergency gear" in my car trunk locker.
So I checked it out...On my ring of car keys, I had a small safe key...
And underneath the cab of my mustang's trunk... There they were...
Duct tape, bloody rags and bandages, old worn rope, handcuffs and keys, a branding iron, molotov cocktail, lockpick kit, ski mask, leather gloves, extra money, a fake ID, fake police badge, a shovel, a sharp bloody machete...and a pistol with a full clip of ammo.
I threw up.
Each item made memories flood into my mind about my awful dealings for Samael.
I had done awful things with these objects to completely innocent people.
So, I did what I thought made sense...I took a drive, went out to a deserted old country road, and burned it all in a dark pit...(With salt and gasoline for good measure.)
After watching it all burn...I finished reading the book by the bonfire I had created...Reading into my dark past.
I'm not sure if it was the darkness of the field, the late night dealings, evil memories and guilt of my past, or the ash and fire together, but I could almost hear Hell calling my name.
I have been a monster.
But in that realization, there is hope I think.
I have been a monster.
That doesn't mean I have to stay one.
The only comfort of that horrible reminder was that near the end of my journal, it seems that was the "old" Me's conclusion as well.
I'll have to work on it, but I'm my own master now. I make my own decisions, I make my own way, and I should start doing the best I can to be the best person I can be.
Not for myself, not for Robin, but for the greater good.
Maybe I can help Israel for a change? Maybe make amends with Leanne for earlier? Maybe be friends with Eve?
I'm...I'm not sure how I can help Robin...But I'd like to.
Maybe I should join Robin's "Youth group"?
....Or, maybe not?
I think I need sleep and need to make some amends to the people in my life.
Starting with Israel I think. That dude is kinda awesome...I mean, I killed his girlfriend, and he's still my friend?
That's friendship right there...Friendship I should start paying back in spades.
-V
Thursday, 24 April 2014
The End of the Road, The Last Straw, A Broken Man
Dear Journal,
So, Israel's bike pulled up to me on the side of the road and I'm not going to lie, between the letter I just wrote, the hamburger running down my face, and the shitty way I was feeling...I couldn't keep it together.
So, I broke down into a dribble of sadness and tears.
It was not pretty. I don't really want to talk about it.
Thankfully he didn't comment and simply asked where I wanted to go. I said I wanted to go get the journal after all this and call it a day.
I thought that'd be easy...But man...It sucked.
I got to her home...It was covered in police tape still, the windows were broken and boarded up, and it had been left alone. It was a sad sight, but the worst of it was, I couldn't even think about entering the place.
I had done that.
I had made this house in the sorry state it was in, and then the apparition appeared.
It was a boy, about my age, tall, not unattractive, but most definitely transparent...
I was about to freak the fuck out when I realized that I still needed to do what I came to do.
So, I sucked it up, and went inside. It was dark, scary, and was completely empty of life...I made my way up the steps with no problem and got to her room...Her memories of the place helping me get there no problem.
I found the journals, and grabbed them both, slipping the note into Robin's journal and taking it with me...Then I felt a presence behind me...So I looked around...Scared, tired, and really hurting...
I realized this must be the presence that stopped me, but I then corrected myself, Robin's memory of this place fueling the next assumption. It was her dead brother.
Whose name I forgot entirely...Which cost me a bloody nose and a trip down the stairs.
How to add insult to injury.
Then some dude in white linen's appeared at the door...I considered that it might be the cops for a moment, but it turned out it was someones servant telling me that there was a phone call for me....
I took the call and my blood ran cold as the voice spoke my name.
It was Robin's mother.
She wasn't dead.
She had been brought back and she wanted to work with me to make sure Robin was happy again...But, she said she needed my help for that...
It was a tense moment. I went through her deal in my head and I'm not going to lie, it was incredibly tempting.
Work with the woman I "killed", in order to get back into Robin's good books, she gets a powerful psychic ally/servant, and I get to be a part of making Robin's life a little bit easier...
If I believed a word of it.
But...As much as I wanted to, as much as it made sense. I couldn't bring myself to do it...I had made deals with powerful supernatural entities in the past, and it had always turned out bad in the end...
I had lost everything because of Samael, and getting rid of him literally ruined my life.
This new lease on my life, on my freedom, on my own powers...That was something I wasn't about to give up to be some pawn in someone else's game.
I told her that as tempting as it was, "I had been a servant to other creatures before, and as much I wanted to believe her, that I couldn't do something like that to Robin, and rides with middle aged women never turned out well for me anyway..."
She would have to find someone else to help convince Robin that mommy's back for good.
Disappointingly, she told me that she was sorry we couldn't work together, but if I changed my mind, I had her number. I took it, refused her ride home and started my long limping walk to the subway and my apartment. Bloody but proud of myself.
Until I saw Leanne and Robin come out from behind the corner of the street.
I was carrying both Robin's and my Journals, I was beat up, bloody, and had no where to run...
Today was not really going my way.
-V
So, Israel's bike pulled up to me on the side of the road and I'm not going to lie, between the letter I just wrote, the hamburger running down my face, and the shitty way I was feeling...I couldn't keep it together.
So, I broke down into a dribble of sadness and tears.
It was not pretty. I don't really want to talk about it.
Thankfully he didn't comment and simply asked where I wanted to go. I said I wanted to go get the journal after all this and call it a day.
I thought that'd be easy...But man...It sucked.
I got to her home...It was covered in police tape still, the windows were broken and boarded up, and it had been left alone. It was a sad sight, but the worst of it was, I couldn't even think about entering the place.
I had done that.
I had made this house in the sorry state it was in, and then the apparition appeared.
It was a boy, about my age, tall, not unattractive, but most definitely transparent...
I was about to freak the fuck out when I realized that I still needed to do what I came to do.
So, I sucked it up, and went inside. It was dark, scary, and was completely empty of life...I made my way up the steps with no problem and got to her room...Her memories of the place helping me get there no problem.
I found the journals, and grabbed them both, slipping the note into Robin's journal and taking it with me...Then I felt a presence behind me...So I looked around...Scared, tired, and really hurting...
I realized this must be the presence that stopped me, but I then corrected myself, Robin's memory of this place fueling the next assumption. It was her dead brother.
Whose name I forgot entirely...Which cost me a bloody nose and a trip down the stairs.
How to add insult to injury.
Then some dude in white linen's appeared at the door...I considered that it might be the cops for a moment, but it turned out it was someones servant telling me that there was a phone call for me....
I took the call and my blood ran cold as the voice spoke my name.
It was Robin's mother.
She wasn't dead.
She had been brought back and she wanted to work with me to make sure Robin was happy again...But, she said she needed my help for that...
It was a tense moment. I went through her deal in my head and I'm not going to lie, it was incredibly tempting.
Work with the woman I "killed", in order to get back into Robin's good books, she gets a powerful psychic ally/servant, and I get to be a part of making Robin's life a little bit easier...
If I believed a word of it.
But...As much as I wanted to, as much as it made sense. I couldn't bring myself to do it...I had made deals with powerful supernatural entities in the past, and it had always turned out bad in the end...
I had lost everything because of Samael, and getting rid of him literally ruined my life.
This new lease on my life, on my freedom, on my own powers...That was something I wasn't about to give up to be some pawn in someone else's game.
I told her that as tempting as it was, "I had been a servant to other creatures before, and as much I wanted to believe her, that I couldn't do something like that to Robin, and rides with middle aged women never turned out well for me anyway..."
She would have to find someone else to help convince Robin that mommy's back for good.
Disappointingly, she told me that she was sorry we couldn't work together, but if I changed my mind, I had her number. I took it, refused her ride home and started my long limping walk to the subway and my apartment. Bloody but proud of myself.
Until I saw Leanne and Robin come out from behind the corner of the street.
I was carrying both Robin's and my Journals, I was beat up, bloody, and had no where to run...
Today was not really going my way.
-V
Corn Field Blues
Dear Journal,
So...I'm in the middle of a corn field.
Thought I'd take a picture.
I'm covered in hamburger...Hungry...Tired...Alone...My...(Ex? I don't know what to call her anymore)-punched me again.
Granted, I deserved it...Oh God I deserved it...I really have to tone down the power use.
But I know where the journal's are...They're behind a painting in her old room...
I've resolved to take them both...I mean...There might be more in her journal that I don't understand...
But, now that I think about it...I'll just act like I'm taking it, so she'll know that I had it.
I'm going to put a note in it...Well, now that I've got time to walk and think...Maybe I'll write it now:
"Robin,
(Dear Robin? Nah that's too close to home.)
I'm sorry doesn't even cut it anymore now that I know what I've done to you.
You risked everything for me and now I've turned you...
(Bitter? Is that really what she is now?...No, she's not bitter...She's...Hurting....Oh my God...Vincent you're an idiot...Of course she is....)
...Now I've hurt you deeper than anyone could have imagined. It's no wonder you were avoiding me, no wonder you were terrified about my memories coming back.
You don't want to face your fears.
You don't want to face the fear of your feelings for me, what it cost you last time to face those fears, how much you're truly on the edge.
But more importantly, you're scared of yourself Robin.
What I've done to you, what we've all done to you, you're afraid of what you'll have to do to me...
(Oh God...She might kill me...For fear of what I've become because of what I did... Maaaan...That's fucked up.)
...If I go darkside again, but I want to help you deal with this fear any way I can.
So, I want you to know, I'm here for you despite everything.
I understand you're angry with me, Hell I'd be angry with me too. You have every right to hate the "old" Me.
But, I know now how much pain you're in...And as your friend...I'm worried about you.
You need help Robin.
But I'm not going to force you to find it with me.
I'll stay away from you. Once I have my journal answered a few questions about my past to myself...You'll never have to interact with me if you don't want to.
But if you need someone, I'm here for you. You don't have to be alone, it's not your fault that all those things happened.
But it is my fault that you're dealing with it all alone.
I just want you to know you don't have to deal with it alone anymore if you don't want to. I'll be here if you want me to be.
...(Yours? Sincerely? Love?...Oh God I'm bad at these things...)
Yours Constantly -Vincent"
Am I crying?...That's just great...Ketchup and relish tears...
I'm pretty pathetic right now...Wait...
Is that a Motorcycle?
-V
Hamburgers, Puppies, and Heartbreak
Dear Journal,
I really don't feel like writing right now, but I don't know what else to do.
So, let me catch you up.
My mother kidnapped me for...burgers...But instead drove me out to cottage country outside of Toronto in order to introduce me to some new girl and her father.
The girl's name is Eve.
She's pretty, if a little weird...And I get the impression this is what my mother meant by "making new friends". These are the people she wants to connect myself with?
Jesus, she's got poor taste.
Anyway, the cavalry showed up not long afterword, and I have never been more relieved...God, I was glad that they all came up to get me the hell out of this situation...
Even when Robin made a snarky statement about Eve being "my new pet" and Caleb said something about "crying wolf".
I felt anger rise up within me, and told her to shut up...She did.
But, it didn't make me feel better.
I'm just so sick and tired with people judging me and treating me like a...like a monster...Because of what I did in the past.
I mean, I DON'T remember it. So, am I always going to be the same old Vincent to them? I mean, new powers aside, the constant prejudice is really...hurtful.
Anyway, Robin was at least kind enough to get Eve and I the hell outta there, and we all stopped at some roadside eatery...For burgers.
So, I gave Eve the rundown on everyone, on what I remember, and why I got her and I the hell outta there...
Then Eve called Caleb a puppy.
It seems stupid but he replied, "I'm not a puppy."
And I had to push him a little, "No, he's not. He's a kidnapper and dangerous."
You can guess what happened next, we got into an argument and Robin started to defend him.
So, I read her mind.
It was wrong, I knew it was wrong, but I needed to find those journals anyway and I was just so ANGRY.
So, she rightfully punches me...Chantel scolds me for "goading him on", and Israel is powerless to stop them...Inside I'm broken, tired, and exhausted...
Hell I even bought a pack of smokes...I don't even smoke. Or, maybe I used to and it's what I do when I'm stressed?...I don't know...
I felt the same rage fill up within me...I felt betrayed...And...
Then I got a burger shoved into my face by Eve. She told me to stop being bossy...Admittedly I was being bossy to the people around me...Really short, really mean...Really rude...
I'm just so fed up with it all...Getting dragged into all this, hearing Israel's warning in my head that: "I wouldn't like what I found out."
So I let go of my inner power and tried to get them the hell away from me...
Or, at least that's what was supposed happen...
Instead I ended up blasting myself through the air and into a field, three fields away.
This isn't a good day for me at all.
-V
I really don't feel like writing right now, but I don't know what else to do.
So, let me catch you up.
My mother kidnapped me for...burgers...But instead drove me out to cottage country outside of Toronto in order to introduce me to some new girl and her father.
The girl's name is Eve.
She's pretty, if a little weird...And I get the impression this is what my mother meant by "making new friends". These are the people she wants to connect myself with?
Jesus, she's got poor taste.
Anyway, the cavalry showed up not long afterword, and I have never been more relieved...God, I was glad that they all came up to get me the hell out of this situation...
Even when Robin made a snarky statement about Eve being "my new pet" and Caleb said something about "crying wolf".
I felt anger rise up within me, and told her to shut up...She did.
But, it didn't make me feel better.
I'm just so sick and tired with people judging me and treating me like a...like a monster...Because of what I did in the past.
I mean, I DON'T remember it. So, am I always going to be the same old Vincent to them? I mean, new powers aside, the constant prejudice is really...hurtful.
Anyway, Robin was at least kind enough to get Eve and I the hell outta there, and we all stopped at some roadside eatery...For burgers.
So, I gave Eve the rundown on everyone, on what I remember, and why I got her and I the hell outta there...
Then Eve called Caleb a puppy.
It seems stupid but he replied, "I'm not a puppy."
And I had to push him a little, "No, he's not. He's a kidnapper and dangerous."
You can guess what happened next, we got into an argument and Robin started to defend him.
So, I read her mind.
It was wrong, I knew it was wrong, but I needed to find those journals anyway and I was just so ANGRY.
So, she rightfully punches me...Chantel scolds me for "goading him on", and Israel is powerless to stop them...Inside I'm broken, tired, and exhausted...
Hell I even bought a pack of smokes...I don't even smoke. Or, maybe I used to and it's what I do when I'm stressed?...I don't know...
I felt the same rage fill up within me...I felt betrayed...And...
Then I got a burger shoved into my face by Eve. She told me to stop being bossy...Admittedly I was being bossy to the people around me...Really short, really mean...Really rude...
I'm just so fed up with it all...Getting dragged into all this, hearing Israel's warning in my head that: "I wouldn't like what I found out."
So I let go of my inner power and tried to get them the hell away from me...
Or, at least that's what was supposed happen...
Instead I ended up blasting myself through the air and into a field, three fields away.
This isn't a good day for me at all.
-V
Thursday, 17 April 2014
Justice, Just Desserts, and Assaults Psychic or Otherwise
Dear Journal,
You will NOT believe what I just did.
So, I was in the parking lot at school, it was early in the morning (since I couldn't sleep) and I saw Caleb, some kid, and Sasha-one of our classmates- heading to her car. It seemed like they were all cool with it, so I paid them no mind...
Until, that is, when Caleb attacked her and the other dude started to tie her up, in her own car.
That made me angry...REALLY angry.
So, I did what any decent person would do. I went to stop them.
I mean, I'm not a push over and I was pretty sure I could take them both...But something inside the back of my brain told me that I couldn't hold back here.
So I didn't.
I yelled at them both, and just as Caleb and his young lackey were about to finish their evil deed of the day, Caleb stepped out of the car and told me to mind my own buisness...
That's about the time when I sent him flying through the car's back seat windows...
Both of them.
He went through both of them with a startling crash and was reeling from the broken glass and the effects. His lackey ran off and a few others of Caleb's new "gang" who were standing around as if to interfere, also ran with their tails between their legs.
I helped Sasha get up and asked if she was alright. She said she was and I told her to go get the Principal while I dealt with Caleb.
The thing was, I didn't even touch Caleb.I just thought about him flying through the windows and swung my arm through the air...
And whoosh. He did.
I mean, how the hell I did that, I don't quite know, but I was pretty sure I could do it again. So, I approached Caleb and just before I was about to lay open a can of Carrie on his ass...
There she was. Robin standing in between us, beautiful and powerful,and then.
BAM!
She punched me.
There I was, trying to stop Caleb from KIDNAPPING someone, and I'm the bad guy.
Those are some seriously fucked up standards if you ask me.
As I regained myself, a little confused and hurt for getting hit for something I felt HE should have been paying for, I suddenly felt a wave of energy collapse upon me...It felt kind of like chains on my mind and body, preventing me from causing harm.
Interesting. I thought at the time...But not really cool or helpful now. (More on that later.)
I yelled at him for trying to kidnap someone and Israel showed up to drag me away from the scene carefully before anyone else saw the damage to the car and the fight.
Israel dragged me to meet the radio chick, Chantell, who apparently cast a spell on me, and told me everything..."The truth"...I was possessed by a demon at one time, and my friends and Robin got rid of it, so now I have some sort of memory loss as a result.
Great, so, I was possessed....That makes perfect sense. NOT...It really doesn't even scratch the surface of everything.
So, what, The Demon Made Me Do It?
Man, what a lame ass excuse. I must have been a right whiny prick in my old life.
Then they started getting preachy on my ass.
Robin scolded me for attacking Caleb, who told her that I had "psychic powers" and was "dangerous".
"Damn right I am." I thought half-joking to myself, it was kind of scary, but I figured I'd have time to figure it out. The guy was being a total ass hat ever since I read his mind the other day...
Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that...
He lied to my face earlier in the week when I was looking for answers to the school fire...Trying to cover it up...So, I kind of "touched" his mind and read his surface thoughts...
He was a liar and he tried to assault a woman. I was liking him less and less.
I defended myself, saying that it didn't matter how I stopped him, but I didn't want him hurting another one of our classmates for some stupid plot that HE'S involved in...
Anyway, I was pissed and decided to tell them all to go to hell...About then, My mother called and asked if I wanted to ditch class and have a talk.
I love my Mom, but sometimes she has the worst timing.
So, I agreed--and yeah-- I went with her instead of going to class.
But, then the ride got really weird.
We started talking about my day and she insisted that I get some new friends...
That's when I felt it.
I felt her try and convince my mind to believe her. Her insisting that I get some new friends, was less of a request, and more of a demand. She was trying to psychically convince me to do something against my will.
I also started to notice her pale pallor, her aloof demeanor and that's when I realized, my mother was a something.
And that something was willing to invade my mind to get me to see her point of view.
That's about when I texted my friends...As much as I didn't want the help, I realized with a start, that had led myself out of the frying pan and into the fire...
I write this in my phone while we cruise along the highway heading East...I'm afraid it might be the last post I ever write.
Guys, help. Please.
-V
You will NOT believe what I just did.
So, I was in the parking lot at school, it was early in the morning (since I couldn't sleep) and I saw Caleb, some kid, and Sasha-one of our classmates- heading to her car. It seemed like they were all cool with it, so I paid them no mind...
Until, that is, when Caleb attacked her and the other dude started to tie her up, in her own car.
That made me angry...REALLY angry.
So, I did what any decent person would do. I went to stop them.
I mean, I'm not a push over and I was pretty sure I could take them both...But something inside the back of my brain told me that I couldn't hold back here.
So I didn't.
I yelled at them both, and just as Caleb and his young lackey were about to finish their evil deed of the day, Caleb stepped out of the car and told me to mind my own buisness...
That's about the time when I sent him flying through the car's back seat windows...
Both of them.
He went through both of them with a startling crash and was reeling from the broken glass and the effects. His lackey ran off and a few others of Caleb's new "gang" who were standing around as if to interfere, also ran with their tails between their legs.
I helped Sasha get up and asked if she was alright. She said she was and I told her to go get the Principal while I dealt with Caleb.
The thing was, I didn't even touch Caleb.I just thought about him flying through the windows and swung my arm through the air...
And whoosh. He did.
I mean, how the hell I did that, I don't quite know, but I was pretty sure I could do it again. So, I approached Caleb and just before I was about to lay open a can of Carrie on his ass...
There she was. Robin standing in between us, beautiful and powerful,and then.
BAM!
She punched me.
There I was, trying to stop Caleb from KIDNAPPING someone, and I'm the bad guy.
Those are some seriously fucked up standards if you ask me.
As I regained myself, a little confused and hurt for getting hit for something I felt HE should have been paying for, I suddenly felt a wave of energy collapse upon me...It felt kind of like chains on my mind and body, preventing me from causing harm.
Interesting. I thought at the time...But not really cool or helpful now. (More on that later.)
I yelled at him for trying to kidnap someone and Israel showed up to drag me away from the scene carefully before anyone else saw the damage to the car and the fight.
Israel dragged me to meet the radio chick, Chantell, who apparently cast a spell on me, and told me everything..."The truth"...I was possessed by a demon at one time, and my friends and Robin got rid of it, so now I have some sort of memory loss as a result.
Great, so, I was possessed....That makes perfect sense. NOT...It really doesn't even scratch the surface of everything.
So, what, The Demon Made Me Do It?
Man, what a lame ass excuse. I must have been a right whiny prick in my old life.
Then they started getting preachy on my ass.
Robin scolded me for attacking Caleb, who told her that I had "psychic powers" and was "dangerous".
"Damn right I am." I thought half-joking to myself, it was kind of scary, but I figured I'd have time to figure it out. The guy was being a total ass hat ever since I read his mind the other day...
Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that...
He lied to my face earlier in the week when I was looking for answers to the school fire...Trying to cover it up...So, I kind of "touched" his mind and read his surface thoughts...
He was a liar and he tried to assault a woman. I was liking him less and less.
I defended myself, saying that it didn't matter how I stopped him, but I didn't want him hurting another one of our classmates for some stupid plot that HE'S involved in...
Anyway, I was pissed and decided to tell them all to go to hell...About then, My mother called and asked if I wanted to ditch class and have a talk.
I love my Mom, but sometimes she has the worst timing.
So, I agreed--and yeah-- I went with her instead of going to class.
But, then the ride got really weird.
We started talking about my day and she insisted that I get some new friends...
That's when I felt it.
I felt her try and convince my mind to believe her. Her insisting that I get some new friends, was less of a request, and more of a demand. She was trying to psychically convince me to do something against my will.
I also started to notice her pale pallor, her aloof demeanor and that's when I realized, my mother was a something.
And that something was willing to invade my mind to get me to see her point of view.
That's about when I texted my friends...As much as I didn't want the help, I realized with a start, that had led myself out of the frying pan and into the fire...
I write this in my phone while we cruise along the highway heading East...I'm afraid it might be the last post I ever write.
Guys, help. Please.
-V
Now Where Did I Put That Book...
Dear Journal,
It's 4:45am and I can't sleep again...I had another Vision...Nightmare...Memory.
It was so vivid...I was writing in a very old journal filled with newspaper clippings, leaves, music lyrics...Beautiful things...Overlooking a beautiful scenic landscape high in the snowy mountains. I was adding a picture and s few ticket stubs for a ski lodge to a journal.
While Robin, sitting beside me on a lovely couch, wrote in a book filled with words, there was the smell of hot chocolate and cinnamon in the air. I turned to her and kissed her passionately and asked her what she was writing.
She replied that it was her journal...She had been keeping a record of everything.
Then the scene changed.
There was a fire in a church...The pews burned as little devilish things scratched my flesh...My back seared with pain and I turned back to see what was causing me so much pain..
Wings. Wings were sprouting from my back.
Great bone like protrusions of flesh, starting to form...Then Israel was there slaying the impish demons with a great shinning sword...Caleb helped to support me along with Robin as I bled on the floor of the church.
"However this ends..." I whispered to Caleb, trying to make sure Robin didn't hear. "You take care of her, you got me? You're a good guy..." He nodded in acknowledgement a conflicted look appeared on his face.
"Robin...Whatever happens...I'm sorry..." She told me that it was okay, and with a worried look helped me down the stairs to the basement.
I wanted to tell her I loved her, I wanted to beg her forgiveness, but I knew that it was folly...
The only thing I could do to help her, to show her how much I wanted to change, was by finishing this.
Permanently.
With a renewed determination, I spoke aloud shrugging them off of my sweat and blood covered form. "Alright," I said stepping into the Circle on the floor. "Let's end this."
That's about when I awoke and figured I should write it down...Even know the memory escapes me...It's still hard to remember it all.
Whatever they did, worked wonders.
I think those books...My journal and Robin's Diary...Those are the answers to a lot of the questions I keep asking...If only I could find them.
But I really can't remember where I put it!
GAH!
I know it's stupid to keep spinning my wheels on this so, I think I'll get my ass to school.
Get some coffee, maybe breakfast.Perhaps the drive will clear my head?
-V
It's 4:45am and I can't sleep again...I had another Vision...Nightmare...Memory.
It was so vivid...I was writing in a very old journal filled with newspaper clippings, leaves, music lyrics...Beautiful things...Overlooking a beautiful scenic landscape high in the snowy mountains. I was adding a picture and s few ticket stubs for a ski lodge to a journal.
While Robin, sitting beside me on a lovely couch, wrote in a book filled with words, there was the smell of hot chocolate and cinnamon in the air. I turned to her and kissed her passionately and asked her what she was writing.
She replied that it was her journal...She had been keeping a record of everything.
Then the scene changed.
There was a fire in a church...The pews burned as little devilish things scratched my flesh...My back seared with pain and I turned back to see what was causing me so much pain..
Wings. Wings were sprouting from my back.
Great bone like protrusions of flesh, starting to form...Then Israel was there slaying the impish demons with a great shinning sword...Caleb helped to support me along with Robin as I bled on the floor of the church.
"However this ends..." I whispered to Caleb, trying to make sure Robin didn't hear. "You take care of her, you got me? You're a good guy..." He nodded in acknowledgement a conflicted look appeared on his face.
"Robin...Whatever happens...I'm sorry..." She told me that it was okay, and with a worried look helped me down the stairs to the basement.
I wanted to tell her I loved her, I wanted to beg her forgiveness, but I knew that it was folly...
The only thing I could do to help her, to show her how much I wanted to change, was by finishing this.
Permanently.
With a renewed determination, I spoke aloud shrugging them off of my sweat and blood covered form. "Alright," I said stepping into the Circle on the floor. "Let's end this."
That's about when I awoke and figured I should write it down...Even know the memory escapes me...It's still hard to remember it all.
Whatever they did, worked wonders.
I think those books...My journal and Robin's Diary...Those are the answers to a lot of the questions I keep asking...If only I could find them.
But I really can't remember where I put it!
GAH!
I know it's stupid to keep spinning my wheels on this so, I think I'll get my ass to school.
Get some coffee, maybe breakfast.Perhaps the drive will clear my head?
-V
The Missing Pieces
Dear Journal,
It's all coming together...(I think.)
So, I approached Israel during school, like I said I would and he warned me that the deeper I digged into my past, the less I would like about it.
When I asked him why, nd he said it's because its' what I asked for...
I asked to forget.
I couldn't understand what he meant.
I mean, WHY would I want to forget? What did I do?
So, I made the mistake and asked if it had anything to do with that Robin chick, and you know what he said?
"Yeah it does..." He said as the wind on top of the school roof, his regular hangout spot, brushed through his blonde hair casually.
" Okay, What was it I did exactly?" I began saying cautiously. "I didn't hurt anybody did I?"
He winced at the last part. "Yes, unfortunately yes you did..." He looked pained by telling me, my heart rose in my chest as I pressed him further, my curiosity getting the better of the sinking feeling in my soul.
"I mean, It couldn't have been that bad right?...I mean, I didn't kill anyone right?" I said my head aching trying to remain focused on his words.
"I'm sorry Vincent, but you did..." My world started to spin, I started to feel sick...I couldn't believe what he was saying, I had actually killed someone, someone important to Robin. My hands shook uncontrollably, and I started to pace trying to keep my composure.
"Who..."I had to stop to swallow, my mouth suddenly dry, "Who did I kill?" My voice was weak and soft but he heard me okay as he replied,
"I'm sorry Vincent, but...You killed her mother. Stabbed her actually."
I can honestly tell you that I've never felt worse; well in recent memory anyway, than I did right there...
It was no wonder she wanted to avoid me like the plague...I had fucking killed her mother, with a knife. I didn't want to ask more, he was right, but I needed to know, so my next question was:
"Was she and I close?" He looked reluctant before replying.
"Yeah, you were, but you'd have to ask her for how close...I just can't say."
I made him promise to help me figure this shit out...Even if what I discovered hurt me, and asked him who else I should talk too...
So, you can guess where I went next right? I needed to talk to Robin...So, off I went...
I found her in the halls and confronted her, telling her that I found out a little of the truth from Israel but I believed that she was the missing key to my past...
We talked and she outright told me that She's sorry that I'm confused and scared, but that:
"It's not her problem and I should stay away from her."
What the Fuck is that supposed to mean? It totally is! Her and the other's must have made me like this!
If we were even slightly close, she seems like the person that would see something through...Regardless of the cost.
Huh.
Maybe that's what happened? She followed me to the end and now I'm here? So, I guess when my memories went, so did whatever we were?
God, she must feel so lonely.
Hell if it's any consolation, I feel pretty lonely right now too...
-V
It's all coming together...(I think.)
So, I approached Israel during school, like I said I would and he warned me that the deeper I digged into my past, the less I would like about it.
When I asked him why, nd he said it's because its' what I asked for...
I asked to forget.
I couldn't understand what he meant.
I mean, WHY would I want to forget? What did I do?
So, I made the mistake and asked if it had anything to do with that Robin chick, and you know what he said?
"Yeah it does..." He said as the wind on top of the school roof, his regular hangout spot, brushed through his blonde hair casually.
" Okay, What was it I did exactly?" I began saying cautiously. "I didn't hurt anybody did I?"
He winced at the last part. "Yes, unfortunately yes you did..." He looked pained by telling me, my heart rose in my chest as I pressed him further, my curiosity getting the better of the sinking feeling in my soul.
"I mean, It couldn't have been that bad right?...I mean, I didn't kill anyone right?" I said my head aching trying to remain focused on his words.
"I'm sorry Vincent, but you did..." My world started to spin, I started to feel sick...I couldn't believe what he was saying, I had actually killed someone, someone important to Robin. My hands shook uncontrollably, and I started to pace trying to keep my composure.
"Who..."I had to stop to swallow, my mouth suddenly dry, "Who did I kill?" My voice was weak and soft but he heard me okay as he replied,
"I'm sorry Vincent, but...You killed her mother. Stabbed her actually."
I can honestly tell you that I've never felt worse; well in recent memory anyway, than I did right there...
It was no wonder she wanted to avoid me like the plague...I had fucking killed her mother, with a knife. I didn't want to ask more, he was right, but I needed to know, so my next question was:
"Was she and I close?" He looked reluctant before replying.
"Yeah, you were, but you'd have to ask her for how close...I just can't say."
I made him promise to help me figure this shit out...Even if what I discovered hurt me, and asked him who else I should talk too...
So, you can guess where I went next right? I needed to talk to Robin...So, off I went...
I found her in the halls and confronted her, telling her that I found out a little of the truth from Israel but I believed that she was the missing key to my past...
We talked and she outright told me that She's sorry that I'm confused and scared, but that:
"It's not her problem and I should stay away from her."
What the Fuck is that supposed to mean? It totally is! Her and the other's must have made me like this!
If we were even slightly close, she seems like the person that would see something through...Regardless of the cost.
Huh.
Maybe that's what happened? She followed me to the end and now I'm here? So, I guess when my memories went, so did whatever we were?
God, she must feel so lonely.
Hell if it's any consolation, I feel pretty lonely right now too...
-V
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